Friday, October 20, 2006

Suspended Posting

For a few reasons I havent updated for a while, mainly because I havent had any time for the last 2 weeks.

Secondary to this is the fact when I started I writing this, it was meant as just one post. But inspired by the fact that this was how Soseki Natsumi ended up writing I am a Cat I have decided to have a think about where the story is going before posting more and writing in howling continuency errors!

Also, I have been reading Collapse by Jared Diamond, and wanted to add in some ideas from this.

Give me a week and it'll be updated weekly again.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Life according to Lord Martin


I have now surpassed the twelfth day of my rein and I have to admit that all is going superbly successfully. The main issues that I mentioned last time have all been resolved and the tank has been turned from a hostile land into a fat beautiful land. All this was achieved due to my natural aptitude as the chosen leader of Tepaitank. Sadly, there are a few negative items to report. I decree that it is best to start with these.

The first issue has been the mysterious death of our beloved teacher. She became induced by a bacterial infection and though we prayed to the Gods to save her, these requests remained unanswered, as the gods merely walked on past, ignoring her plight. For this reason we have all started looking around Tepaitank for a suitable Remorial to Education. Without her I have taken it upon myself to keep educating the unfortunate souls who are born without wisdom. I do believe that some of her most able students have not taken her death well. One has dropped from being the best to well, moderate at the most. He's a Senior-Fry, Matthew, Mark or Michael, I don't quite remember his name though he's thought to be educated well in the social-sciences. He was claiming that the Gods were not really Gods at all. If I remember his words correctly, he supposed they were "another, different type of living animal who are in fact arrogant captors of us; naturally free fish. As such these cruel keepers should be punished."

Well, I have never heard such blasphemy before! I was shocked, so shocked that pure emotion. Sheer anger ruled my mind for the following moments as I mauled the mischievant with malice.

Once my blood had cooled and I had regained my consciousness. The classroom slowly opening up from the red tunnel of rage, softening slowly till just a black shroud surrounded my eyes, which was thankfully quick to dissipate. There before me was a badly injured fish, marked by teeth all over. His class mates; all mouths agog, stared aghast at me. I too hovered over this young-fry's body, before one of my body guards reminded me of who I am, asking for my permission to take him to the sick room.

Of course, my state of mind rapidly returned to normal and I had almost forgotten about this infortunate incident when we were about to dismiss. It was only when my bodyguard returned that I realized I had other issues to deal with and may soon have to replace myself. Once that time occurs, those assembled in front of me would no longer benefit from my Divine instruction. I invited them to stay longer, an offer not a single fry refused.

This extra class time I allocated to answering the unexplainable, of which there had been many instances since The Event. The first problem had been with the strength of the current in our new home. Well, just this week that subsided, so my explanation was simple. The Event caused these turbulent torrents, they were mere aftershocks from the earthquake or water rushing back from where it came from the Tsunami. Then they asked why the ground has changed and water is so much thicker. Well, these I naturally attributed to the new environment, although I must confess, I am not so sure about the water being different anymore. I know that when we first arrived it had a funny taste that some could not adjust to, and most definitely it became more acidic so harder to breathe. Now I am not quite sure whether it has improved in quality, or we have just adjusted to it?

Right then and there, whilst contemplating the water-problem I solved the sun-issue. I still receive complaint that the sun no longer burns a yellow light, instead it is closer to blue. This some claim proves that we were not survivors of The Event. A flash of inspiration solved this on the spot, I proposed a new solution, that the sun has always been that colour. Their memories are not 100% reliable, but we know logically that the sun could not just change colour so rapidly. Henceforth, it must be the former and not the later at fault. At first, the fry were reluctant to accept this new theory, but my faithful body guards applauded so strenuously that the others soon caught up. All in the room had gone white-with-shock. I attributed this to their stupidity in thinking that the sun would not remain constant!

During this undulant clapping I began to feel myself distancing, being drawn from the crowd. I was experiencing another revelation. Seeing how quickly this educated crowd accepted my word, it occurred to myself that it would be best to remain in charge of educating them for their whole lives. This is the only way to make sure that such hearsay as, 'God not existing', can be prevented from becoming common, and ensuring that my Divine knowledge is passed as effectively as possible to the fry.

After class had been dismissed, the rapturous applause was still filling my ears whilst I swam around my tank buzzing from such a tremendous brain-wave as my education policy. It prevented me from thinking up new strategies. Instead I focused on introducing Adult-ReEducation. I mean, surely the elders have as much right to the latest information as the fry do? In such a trance, my freed mind was able to look down at my subjects as an observer. From this perspective came wondrous confirmation of how brilliant the original plan was, whilst de-necessitising the adult reforms. I watched a Fryshman educating his father during their evening swim round my tank.

By focusing my energies on the young I can benefit all, how absolutely tremendous!

Immediately I began my memoirs. In future, these documents, of which you are lucky enough to read, will become the sole educational text for Tepaitank, spanning all: History, Philosophy, Science and Religion.

I am Lord Martin, Divine ruler of Tepaitank, Sole-Confishdente of Himself, Fair and Just Defender of Morality and Law, Your Beloved Leader.

Labels: , ,

Monday, October 02, 2006

A Spot of Hunting


Seeing as one of my favourite things in life is hunting , I thought it impolite not to talk you through a typical chase.

These pictures were recorded just after I decided the white fish above needed a quick rough and remember session.

Here, we start out stalking the prey, I have him in my sights, but instead of taking him head on, Ill swim to my left, use that tree as cover and take him from behind, allowing me a good firm hold on the tail. The throbbing pain will remind him who's in charge here!



Now, the other fish see me coming and know to clear a path, the victim however, is blissfully unaware of my approach from behind. Before he can turn I inject the speed, he tries to run, but he's no match for me, I have more speed and its not long before I get a chance to nip his arrogant little tail before watching him run away.




Then, my job over and done with I retreat behind my bodyguards to chat and lark about good hunting.

Labels: ,

A Professor's Perspective

The professor and Michael swimming and chatting in the tank


Well, I truly had no idea what was going on. I vaguely remember The Event, but only as a great upheaval, oh, such a stressful time moving is. I must admit I was very happy with my home at the University there, I found Fishop such a charming little place, you know lovely owner that she is, always smiling at the customers who come in. Oh, and the variety of fish in there it is staggering. I think that was my favourite part of being a lecturer there was always hearing new stories from different part of the globe, hearing new languages and meeting the owners of these and other curious dialects.

Now, here in this little tank, I know, I shouldn't really complain, I mean, there is more room, here, it's definitely more luxuriant than I'm used to. But, honestly, I'm just a simple fish, I chose the simple life, I admit: the food in Fishop was a little bad, and the bed was too hard, not enough room and zero privacy from the students. But I was there for the students, to help educate them in the ways of a tank, help them to be brave before they moved on. Well, regardless, I really didn't want this assignment, but the Chancellor of the University told me he was about to implement a 'Corporate Restructuring', which meant I either had to retire from my position and only draw my Finshion from the food, or accept a new position. Now, I suppose, it was nice of him to give me a warning and ready my students for my departure. They were so sweet, especially Michael, my brightest student. He jumped into the net after me to make sure I wouldn't be bullied in my new home. Oh, such a promising career at the University, just thrown away, I mean he was just finishing his Thesis, 'The Structure of Fishiety', which looked like a mind blowing theory for a truly fair Social Fyshstem. He's such a sweet boy you know, that even when I told him to get out and not sacrifice these opportunities for me he refused, telling me that it was 'an unjust action, by an unintelligent individual, who I refuse to condone by continuing to remain within his corpus.'

Well, he does still need helping with his communication skills, sadly, like all great minds his words are easily overcomplicated and those holding a lower lexis are left perplexed by his syntax.

Auch dearie me! He's even gone and got me all cross-wittled myself!

Tepaitank at night

Now, where was I?

Ahh, that's it, so Michael, the sweetheart saved me from the loneliness I feared most of all in the new tank. I mean, other fish are fine, but I really don't know how long I could last without being stimulated by intellectual conversation. However, that should have been the least of my fears. I always thought the University was a simple sacrifice you know. The points listed above were my continual little grievances; auch! You would never guess the shock I had in the new place. It was worse than the hours of earthquakes I experienced during The Event and the aftershocks last until this very minute!

Had I been a very lucky fish, I could have lived out my long last days in a quiet little tank with just a few other fintellectuals for company, meeting for fish-flakes every evening before a shirt stroll round the tank and retiring to bed early. Well, this was not going to be that kind of placement. For starters, the tank, although it is beautiful has an overwhelmingly fast current. An elderly fish like myself finds it very difficult to fin against that all day, sometimes I can shelter behind the trees but its such a popular place to rest that I let the other, young fish rest there as well, I mean their fins are too small to keep battling that force all the time.

I have mentioned that Michael made the journey with me; well, there are nine of us in total: Three Royal ??Swanfish and six, loyal, servant Swanfish, I am one of the latter and feel proud to be so close to Their Majesties. However, one of the less able students, goes by the name of Martin is having the hardest time of all. Sadly he is one of those born with a brain, but not enough of one to know how to use it! He heard Michael saying that it is a perfect opportunity to establish a 'Fair Fyshstem' instead of a 'Fishtocratic' community. Well, I don't quite think that Martin really understood what Michael had said as he went cross-eyed and excused himself by saying he needed to do some 'Bowling Team Practice'.


Well, I thought that would have been the last civil conversation between the two as Michael can't stand jock-fish and as for Martin, well, he can't understand what's being said to him. He is such a simpleton, instead of approaching the Royalty as he should have he continued to nip their fins and run away. Such a mark of cowardice. Since Michael had been so kind to me, I wanted to make sure Martin wouldn't do the same to him, so I decided to have a little talk to him about bullying. Now, he is an awfully big chap so instead of saying the word bully I used another word, I can't remember what it was now, I mean it can't have been too important, but I remember our conversation started like this.

"I'm sure you understand that your punishment of others is unfair."
"Damned sure this punishment is unfair, I mean here!" He replied.
"Good, so maybe if you're nice to them and reward them it would be nicer for everyone?"
"Reward, yes, maybe my punishment is a reward for them." He seemed to be confused, so I tried to explain more.
"Right, stop, punishing them, just reward them instead."
"Yes, punish reward." I really didn't feel he was understanding me, so I tried to simplify more.
"Let's just change our perspective. Now, imagine if you were a little fish and not such a big one. How would you feel if you were nipped by you?"
His eyes seemed to glaze over. I could tell that he was having trouble understanding me, I re-explained.
"Perspective is when you look at something from a different way." He remained stone-eyed. I decided my words were too difficult still, so I tried to talk to him like a baby. I continued,

"so if you look at the pyramids in Egypt. From the side they look like triangles right?"
"Triangles."
"From below they look like squares."
"Yes, squares."
"But really they are pyramids, yes? Well, that's perspective."
"Ahh, perspective, triangles, squares, pyramids" Gotcha.
"Good, I'm glad we understand each other."

Well, I tried my best to help Michael, maybe return the favour you know. I just don't think I will survive here very long, not with the sun changing colour and times, and what not, it makes all the stress buldge up inside me, now I'm just fit to burst. Well, there's also the current and the water, the water isn't as good as the University. In fact I am pretty sure that my life at the University was more luxuriant than this. Well, I really hope that Martin doesn't bully my Michael. Something did seem to glimmer in his eyes when we spoke.

I just hope that my words will remain with him.


Photos: Top, Tepaitank, our home; Below, The Proffessor and Michael

Labels: ,

Friday, September 22, 2006

Does Lord Martin Live?

The deceased professor taking her last breaths - bacteria infection

It's been almost 5 days since I was chosen to rule this kingdom, my fellow White-Swanfish know that I am the chosen one. I had to convince them of the truth by nibbling their fins a few times, but after a few days of nursing sore fins they soon came round to my point of view and no longer wanted a Royal-Swanfish as leader. I have almost trained the other fish into accepting my authority, although the Black-Royal Swanfish aren't taking the fall from grace too well. It's rather irritating, I mean, I spend all day trying to educate them on the correct protocols for lodging a complaint or raising an issue with myself. Yet they still bug me all day. Just drifting over to my space and saying its too cold, or too hot, and asking why the sun has changed colour and timings... I mean, I have launched investigations into all of these subjects and am trying my hardest to table a solution, but their constant chattering slows me down. It's bad enough when I'm trying to eat, but with my jaws already warmed up from chomping its not too much effort to waste a bite on them.

Other times, its well more demanding, like on the first night I was dead asleep, lying on my back with the current keeping my pool of drool down to a minimum, when I suddenly became aware that one of these pre-madonnas was getting rather close to me. I waited. Waited until the nasty little critter was about to get me. Then I launched at him and lunged my teeth into his fin.

I returned to sleep, content that I had taught him a little lesson.

Well, when I woke up the next morning I only had seven cretins under my control instead of eight. The missing had crawled into one of the plants and was no longer moving. I assessed his body and noted that his tail had a nasty gash running along its length. Recoiling in shock I realised that this injured fish, this dead fish lying infront of me, this bloated corpse was, was my fault.

To make things worse the shadowy reminder of death lay up there in that tree all day.

The gods did not want to remove it. Were they punishing me for my penal system? Regardless of whether it was meant as punishment or not. I totally disagree with such an abuse of power. I mean, I had been punished enough by discovering the result of my action, but for this constant reminder to be left, literally hanging over me, it was ghastly. A gruesome act.

It was during this time, that I turned my thinking back to death again. More specifically my own death and whether it had occurred or not. It seems to make logical sense that after The Event the strongest would survive to continue the Swanfish legacy until future generations. This is why I assumed I had been spared, but now, the more I think; the more I look at the other survivors. How I pity their small minds and poor athleticism. The more I look, the more I wonder if actually I am a weakling? And if I am a weakling, then maybe I was killed in The Event.

Its only natural that a fish of my high social standing, a true-blue student of Fishop University, Most Promising Frishman and Treasurer of the Bowling team. Well, it should be my right to go to Heaven, no?

Then I think back about the She-Fish from Uni, I mean, I know I should have married her before doing that, but even if I did, then we would be separated now. I mean, if I am dead, and she's alive, then why would a marriage have made us more moral, more just, more deserving of eternal-happiness?

I wonder however, if in fact this little world could be my hell?

I suppose I should really tell you about those miscredits I share my punishment with. One of the fairly decrepit Professors from Fishop Uni is here. She has been helping to expand my views a little. We started talking the other day, well she got me started thinking. Right, she said to me, this one thing, it could be that this is my punishment, but at the same time, it could be the reward for those who were chosen to be under my command, it all depends on your perspective.
It's like, when you first think something it, like a pyramid, you look from below and think it's kind of a square, but when you look at it from a different angle it all changes and become a triangle. Another way it's a box, but when you have assessed it, walked all around it, you realise it is neither of these single, simple things but a combination, not a single angle or thought, but an idea. So, if you never walk around it, you'll always think its a square, a triangle or a cube since your view is limited. Well, if that were true of the physical shape, that's also true of an idea. If you limit you mind the first acceptable solution becomes a truth for you.

It was tiring to think like this, but I was interested, so I listened to her speak about what being alive is, she claims there's no way she's dead, but I couldn't be so sure. I mean, maybe she's just a hypocrite and has got stuck looking at a square and not a pyramid? Like, how do you know when you're dead? And if there is an afterlife, then how do you know when it starts and well, is that infinite, or does that end. Like maybe we could imagine life is like the many layers of the filter, the water starts in the middle and travels out one layer at a time; each life is followed by a new life, an afterlife-life. Then if life is an afterlife already, is this heaven or hell? Continuing these thoughts I began to clarify my thinking.

Maybe, this is an afterlife, I mean, I don't know if its the same life-span as the one I left behind in Fishop Uni but I do know that I left that life behind. So I guess in a way, it is an afterlife. However, its not like the way of other afterlives, its not a physical death and rebirth, but maybe its a change of perspective. I mean, it's not like this is Heaven or Hell, its neither a square or a triangle, but instead a pyramid, like it depends on your way of looking at it.

Now, here's the interesting part. If you accept the idea that a person who doesn't open their mind to other thoughts is content with the first solution, then maybe its also possible to open your mind, choose which of the solutions is best and home in on that?

If that's the case, then surely we can define what heaven or hell is, and by that we can choose which one we live in. Henceforth, this tank, this afterlife is whatever I choose it to be, no?

All this thinking was making me really dizzy but I think I beginning to understand myself. If I wanted to live in heaven, I just needed to make this into my version of heaven. Just as I had concluded my thinking I saw the golden haired one walk back in and then food fell from the sky.

I thanked His Divineness for giving me such lovely food for thought; now thinking makes you hungry and I had just done a lot of that, so I was feasting hungrily on my wonderful reward when one of those Black-Royal Swanfish came to share in my gift from the gods. Naturally, I dished out a good number of nips before allowing my newly trained bodyguards to perform a rough and remember session. This is my new term for helping to educate the others.

They have to realise that this is my heaven!

Photos:
Top: The Dead Prof and, Below: Lord Martin and his gang.


Labels: , ,

Links